Friday, February 25, 2011

Checking Him Out - This Week's Portrait Of A Prick

Is there a doctor in the madhouse?
This week we caught up with  Moulik the Gujarati Gun for a quickie and got some dirt on what makes this Prick tick. Last week was his first outing with The Prixxx and he was straight on the money with his very first dart. With a doctoral degree underway and oodles of Ahmedabadi charm, this Prick loves nothing more than a Jameson with mates, pouring over pages of marketing principles and theories, and of course, sinking his darts into some high scoring cork. He was the only one of the boys to bring home a point in his singles (with my darts) to The Prickhole last week in an impressive debut against some quality opposition in an otherwise abysmal night for The Prixxx. Clearly this boy needs no warming up so we got straight to the point and checked him out!

Who do you become once you button up that team shirt on a Tuesday night?
Dr Prick!

Shaft type?
Short to start with...  

What? No pouch!?!
Which hand do you use?
For what? ; ) (Well, you know...) Right hand.

Hard or soft grip?
Pouch or Box?

Do you like "checking out" from behind or when in front?
Depends which tight spot (house) I'm checking out.
Are you a bottom man or top man (of the board of course)?
Top (only 'coz you said board!).

Your idea of a mad house?
Gotta prick that one often.

Funniest moment playing darts?
Yet to come.

It's Tuesday night (League night) but it's also your girlfriend's birthday...
I'd prick the board instead...

* This interview was held at Peaches The Curry Pub in Phu My Hung - The Home of The Mighty Prixxx



Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dream Team Is The Prixxx' Nightmare

At a venue last night where one could be forgiven for thinking that they had died and gone to Playboy bunny heaven, The Prixxx got smashed by the formidable outfit calling themselves The Dream Team. Although chat was awash all week about the enormity of the task that lay ahead for our boys (The Dream Team allegedly finished well in the top division last season), the hum emanating from the cab on the way to the Catwalk suggested not an inkling of the ginormous butterflies that must have been scraping the inner walls of the boys' innards. In retrospect, it will go down in history that our Dear Leader (King Prick the First) did an almighty job in allaying our fears with his intimate knowledge and amusing anecdotes of the Catwalk from his previous visits, enlightening us on what may or may not confront us upon arrival, all the while taking our minds off our worst fears - being publicly humiliated again within the space of one week. Our Dear Leader's efforts are all the more remarkable as he was fighting his own inner turmoil as this was the night that he was captaining his new team The Prixxx (of which he hand pricked picked) against his old team that he had represented for the past four years.

Site of 'erstwhile' bloodbaths
Tucked away in the cavernous environs of the New World (and what a world it is) is The Dream Team's home patch. Beautifully positioned atop the staircase overlooking the show ring, the playing area is bathed in soft lighting courtesy of the down lights dangling above the pool table (think IKEA catalogue) which is conveniently covered on match nights for use as a 'dining table' where visiting teams are gleefully devoured by the home team over seemingly endless fingers of scotch. And judging by the size of some of the 'verandahs' hanging from these boys (one in particular who reminded me of a night owl rousing from his afternoon nap), they have devoured many poor souls before us. I can only imagine what they must have been saying before our arrival - "Hmm...Prixxx on the menu tonight...shall we do this over a lazy bottle of Johnny Walker perhaps?...and I'll have my little Prixxx well done thanks..." But if ever you are to be made a meal of, this would be the place to have it happen. The dartboards shimmer on the far off wall illuminated by their very own down lights (at least three for each board) and are juxtaposed against a bright red backboard (most likely covering evidence of erstwhile bloodbaths), and doubling with the bluish-gray hue in the atmosphere (smoke haze), The Dream Team has truly got an enviable place to hang out (and to play darts of course) - who would need to go home?

How would you like your Prixxx done boys?

Once we had nestled into our surrounds and exchanged pleasantries with our opposition, the triples got underway and it was clear from the outset that The Prixxx were the apprentices and The Dream Team were the masters and they were about to teach us a few things. Nevertheless, with a couple of Prixxx in possession of some brand new sets of barrels, they were champing at the bit to sink there tips into some high scoring cork and kick off on a high. However, unlike last week, we failed to gain any points in the triples because The Dream Team were simply sublime in their ability to check out (baaaastaaaards!). In the time it took for a wink of the eye from a parading beauty in the tangle that was the girlies lining up on the dance floor just metres below us, The Prixxx found themselves 2 nil down going into the doubles - and The Dream Team hadn't even had their dining table set yet.  

The doubles again bore no fruit and the night was shaping into one of those floggings that leave you crying for your mumma because you've just been defiled by a bunch of middle-aged men who smell of grog and smokes. But just as the night was flagging, a bevy of girls appeared at the top of the stairs on their way to a "presentation". A quick survey of the room showed some Prixxx now standing up when just moments before they had looked listless and spent - a sorry lot. Thank God for those girls because despite being a long way behind, a renewed sense of vigour imbued our boys and left us pumped as we moved into the singles.

The Prixxx
Whether it was the girls or some other inspiration (I guess we'll never know), something certainly stirred within the Gujarati Gun (a.k.a. Moulik) as he toed the oche and unleashed some of the best darts he has thrown since taking up the game. Amongst the carnage of the night, the Gujarati Gun was unflappable as he toppled his opponent with some inspired 'dartistry'. The 'doof-doof' from the bass downstairs was certainly making its presence felt within our eardrums, but it was when the big fella nailed his second checkout of the match with apparent ease that scores of ear hairs curled up and died from the sheer number of decibels roaring from his tonsils. His win also gave The Prixxx their first opportunity for the night to yell out (more of a murmur) "You've just been pricked!" In other highlights of the night, our other debutante Nico (Moulik was the other first-gamer) was as eager as a honeymooner all night and went very close to taking his first point home to the Prickhole out in D7. He too played some excellent darts and showed that he must not be taken lightly as he could easily have come up trumps in his showdown. On a lighter note he raised some eyebrows when he inquired, "Whose gunna take this rubber?" - surely a dangerous question to ask in such a venue. And in a special mention, the Skipper, who has been down in the doldrums a little of late on the scoreboard, was able to pull a 90-odd out of the bag to keep us in contention for a point when we really needed it and the pressure was on.

While we lost this "rubber" 11/1, we were certainly made to feel more than welcome at The Catwalk by The Dream Team - a great bunch of guys who truly love their darts. But surely we can be excused for having feelings of disdain for these lads after they spanked us and buttf**ked us the whole night long and then rubbed salt into our wounds by singing a rousing rendition of their team song. Thanks so much Dream Team for dashing any hopes of a close match and an injection of confidence into our fledgling team - I just so hope you were kept awake last night by heartburn from eating us Prixxx alive!

My votes for this week:

3 votes - The Gujarati Gun
2 votes - Nico
1 vote - Special K

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Prixxx Make A Point

The Prixxx turned out last Tuesday night for their inaugural hit out in the big league at Ice Blue against another all-girl outfit called ACDC. You'll be pleased to know that our shirts look awesome, especially the white GT stripes down the side - one player even noted that later on in the night he heard a voice in the crowd compliment us on how good we looked! Turned out he had already downed a bottle of Jack and had left his glasses at home. If only they complimented us on our game.

We hit the ground running Tuesday night with some early wins in the triples but they got back some valuable points in the doubles. However, it was in the singles where we fell behind with only Danny the GreenMachine and Peter the Prickler coming up trumps with emphatic wins while the rest of us suffered due to a generally piss poor effort in being able to check out (there was plenty of checking out going on in other areas though, which was, naturally, very well done but was not translated onto the dart board). 

It must also be added that in an act of "gamesmanship" or just downright cheekiness (brilliance actually), team ACDC did a sterling job in rattling us when cries of "Ba Ba Ba" trilled out and bounced off the intimate walls of Ice Blue when our very own DJ Prickalicious (a.k.a. Melvin) found himself sitting on a score of 333. Unwittingly he was the next nervous recipient of a full can of Vietnam's own "333" to be 'shotgunned' immediately to the ecstatic schoolgirl-like shrills of team ACDC. The mere sight of our teammate being coerced (quite easily mind you) into 'shotgunning' a can of beer by a posse of Vietnamese lassies probably weighing in at a combined total of 200kgs (wringing wet) left the (much) older Prixxx in the team shaking in their thongs (they would be flip flops - this was not one of those 70s wife swapping shindig thingies). Needless to say, ACDC's home ground advantage was kicking in and as Melvin steadily (but bravely) negotiated his way through the foaming mayhem that his beer can had become, a quick scan around of The Prixxx' faces revealed that Special K and the Skipper were looking to the heavens for some divine intervention from the Dart Gods.

So we went into the the final teams' round 6/5 down with a hope of winning the match and tying the evening and coming home to The Prickhole with at least half the points on offer for the night. Alas, it was not to be, and while The Prixxx rolled up their sleeves and battled it out to the very end, we couldn't salvage the points and went down in a fairly tight one. Hats off to ACDC they looked tight all night and unfortunately we weren't able to take them from behind and nail the money shot. As they say in the classics, we'll learn from the experience and next time we'll be hoping to actually manage to train our eyes on the dartboard and not just on the surrounding fauna.

Next week we take on the boys from the Catwalk in what will be another test of our mettle in distracting surrounds, but at least our outfit will be bolstered by the inclusion of two more Prixxx enabling selectors to choose from a full playing list.

Keep pricking!

My votes from Tuesday night:
3 votes - Peter the Prickler
2 votes - Danny the GreenMachine
1 vote - Special K Kuruvilla